Are We Too Quick to Jump Ship FROM OUR RELATIONSHIPS IN 2023?

PC: @neginmirsalehi

*Disregard this if a long-term relationship or marriage is not your goal. If it yes, let’s dive right in.

The year is 2023, and Tiktok is abundant with tips on finding red flags. If you ask me, it’s a great thing and way past due. We’re in an age where women can fully provide for themselves, and don’t need a man to financially show up for them. And while in the 50’s, a woman might stand by the heinous acts of their husbands due to the home and food they provide, now we can easily toss them aside if they are not adding onto our already sound lifestyles.

And a sound lifestyle we have, us women. More than just work, women know how to sharpen themselves, feed their souls, and polish their emotional maturity. For a man to hold space in a woman’s existence, they need to add onto that very high level of being, which is quite difficult for the lot of them (obviously not all). Women can finally say no to accepting mediocre levels of commitment, and call out “red flags” and walk away from them. And for the sake of a healthy self and relationship, it’s good to heed those warnings and steer clear.

But then the uncomfortable truth comes out: aren’t we all doomed to never being in a long lasting relationship? Because fact is: we all have red flags, men and women. No one is perfect. And with the freedom of choice to be stable even without a partner, it’s extremely easy to not work through said flags and just walk away. We’ll all still have jobs and roofs over our heads.

So what if you want to be in a forever-thing. It seems like the stars need to align, the personalities have to complement one another, the red flags need to be eliminated, strengths need to be combined, sparks need to be continuously lit, and mercury can never be in retrograde. Or else.

But that’s not realistic now, is it? I can count a number of red flags in me, which will take years for me to work on, and vice versa. It will require patience from my partner and myself to see it through. What we need to look at instead of the flags is: what are the true intentions, why was this flag raised in the first place, and what is he/she actually trying to communicate?

I think for relationships to work, the northern star always needs to be commitment. Learning which red flags are an absolute deal breaker and which can be worked on. Figure out which values lie closest to heart, and make sure you are aligned on these topics. It truly takes two to tango, so both must work towards the same goal of an everlasting relationship. And when things get rough, which believe me they will, can you turn a blind eye to the lesser evils and focus on the bigger picture?

It goes both ways. Are you perpetually working on your own flaws? Are you showing up as the best version of yourself? Are you committing the way you want to be committed to? Are you aligned with your partner’s goals? Can you retract those claws, and become patient, kind, and understanding?

Again, it’s key in setting clear boundaries and knowing what you will and will not accept. Anything that falls below the line, can get cut. But realize that everything will have a gray area, and that’s where you will need to think long and hard if you can’t just work through it, no matter how painful it may be.